he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
