I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
