This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
