do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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