I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
