I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
