I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
