You just made me feel so damn special
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
