just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I believe in your delicious
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
