Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
