I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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