that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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