a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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