You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
