I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
