just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
