I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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