Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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