So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
