hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this just has baby written all over it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
