She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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