You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
