So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
