dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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