you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
