After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we're making bets on your personal life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
