She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
