Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
