standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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