I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
