idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
