I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
