WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
