Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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