apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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