Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i came on her dog
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
