If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All the doctor said was why
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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