As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
