Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
