He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
