Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
