you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
