i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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