PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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