all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
