I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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