She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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