I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
