haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
