Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
